Paul Naschy Loves Children More Than the Pope

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Paul Naschy seemed like he was on top of the world, but trouble was waiting around the corner. His now 14 year old wife Mandy Moore, after the runaway success of her first film "Teenage Music Queen in Coming of Age Movie" the couple drew apart. Friends say Naschy didn't like the compitition. "Paul's an egomaniac, and he'll admit that," says Naschy's long-time plummer Danny "Manning" Manning, "when Mandy hit it big in both El Cinema and music, well Paul felt a little put out." The couple amicapbly parted ways when Mandy accused Paul of physical torture and mental abuse. "He kept saying he'd eat our child," Mandy told close friend TVs Jamie Farr, the couple had adopted an aboriginal boy the year before, "I had to get away." Undaunted, Paul released a follow up to his world-wide smash hit "Zombie Vampire Spy Action Thriller", "Zombie Vampire Spy Action Thriller 2, Electric Boogaloo". Naschy was unstoppable, but fate stepped in to stop his unstoppability thereby rendering him stopped. While working on his new film, "Boy With Psychic Powers at a Big Hotel Runs From Crazy Overacting Dad" in which Naschy played the duel roles of Psychic Boy and Crying Mother, he fell three feet while shooting the climactic battle between Godzilla and Rodan. Cast and crew rushed to his side. "We were all really scared," says key grip "Bob" Filipi-Constanzo-Rodriguez-Sanchez-MacDonald, "I mean, our star was down, we were all crying, but Paul was so brave, he just said, 'I'll be alright my children, render your prayers unto me, for I am your light, worship me as you would any other god.' We were so relieved."
	"Ha ha, acting is a good way to be in bed with large-breasted women, ha ha"
	While Paul recovered from his injuries, he contemplated his career. Was he doing what he really loved? When Paul left the hospital he shocked fans the world over by announcing his retirement from acting and his entry into the world of politics. Paul formed an opposition to the ruling Nazi Party in Spain called the Egyptian Party. Paul's platform, to return to the rule of the Pharoes, and worship the sun god Ra. Both of whom would be embodied by Paul. Paul ran for president of Spain under the slogan, "Give Me the Blood of Your Children and I Will Make the Sun Rise Everyday". Paul's campaign advisor, Joseph "Lefty" Goebbels was encouraged by Paul's showing in the election, .2% of Spaniards and a whopping 37% of Albanians (who's votes did not count unfortunately) voted for Paul.
Dejected by his loss in the election, and feeling the sting of being out of the limelight, Paul returned to acting, going full bore into his next project, "Crazy Samurai Zombie Werewolf Cannibal" a Japanese co-production. Superstar Naschy landed in Japan and addressed his adoring Japanese fans with the words, "my tiny yellow inferiors, I have come to you as your master, worship me, love my hunkieness." The Japanese went crazy for Naschy, and his film (called in Japan, "Super Foreigner Who Cut Everyone With Long Sword Banana Autocar") was the second highest grossing Japanese film in history, just behind "Giant Tenticle Penises Rape Schoolgirls and Shame Salaryman While Crushing Chinaman and Korean Stupid People and American Too, Japanese People Not Sorry For War". Naschy returned to his beloved Spain and branched out, becoming an author, penning a series of detective stories featuring super detective "Paul Nash" and written under the pen name "Paul Naschy writing as Paul N. Aschy". The novels became massive bestsellers, and it seemed once again Paul had found happiness and contentment. Or had he?
	"You see the range of my acting, in one scene I passionately hold Kathy Lee Gifford, while in another I wield a hatchet that I will use on Saddam Hussein"
"As you can see, I'm a frightening wolfman, but inside I am crying"	Yes he had. Paul met, married and gave 16 beautiful children to Doris "Meathook" Reynolds, of Fishpaw, ND, whom Paul met while on a promotional tour for his autobiography, "Memoirs of Vampire and Werewolf Actor and Good Good Honest Creative Man Who is Also a Genius". As Doris said about Paul, "he makes me happy and gives me money." What is Paul doing now? Recently he has been spotted scouting locations for what is rumored to be a new Waldemar Daninski film "Werewolf vs. Hitler!!!" In which the legendary wolfman/crimefighter single handedly fights off Hitler's army during the Second World War. Paul has stated the film will be, "an accurate portrayal of my single handed defeating of the German army during WWII." When asked by critics how he could possibly justify such an inaccurate movie Paul told the critics, "only I, Paul EXCITEMENT Naschy, understands history of the World, you critics are small weak men and I crush in in a similar manner to how I might crush a common beatle, or a Jew." Indeed, Paul Naschy, actor, director, novelist, Scientologist, humanitarian, father, husband, son, daughter, anti-semite. A man among men, a god even. I fear him, and I love him. Paul Naschy, on the E! True Hollywood Story. THE END?
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