Jess Franco is Beautiful

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When I told my quite smashing long time model/actress girlfriend I'd be interviewing Jess Franco and wife/mistress/hanger-on/skank Lina Romay she demanded I make love to her immediately. I admit I had a stiffy, not because my beautiful actress/model/proof I'm not gay girlfriend was demanding my amorous attention, but because I would meet the King of Eroticism, Jess Franco. Jess Franco, his name screams: EROTIC. When I think of Jess Franco I think of bathrooms full of writhing 12 year olds, and WOMEN, NAKED WOMEN because I am not gay in any way what so ever. Jess Franco is a genius in every way. He lives his life in the pursuit of more genius. He eats genius and his flatuence is the flatuence of genius. Indeed, one might say the genius of Jess Franco is his genius. Genius is a word hardly used at all these days, or even in the first paragraph of this article. Genius genius genius genius genius. Lina Romay is a genius too. Genius. Genius.
"I made poo this morning"	Before the interview, I believe I should give you, the humble and mediocre reader a rundown of Franco's life, so it may be a guiding light in your life and so you will not be gay at all, like me, I mean, which is to say, not gay in the slightest, just like George Michael or Elton John. Jess Franco was born as Jesus Franco in 1930. His father was famous Spanish dictator Emilio "Fats" Franco. Franco described his childhood thusly (these are his words, put on your Jess Franco reverance cap): "I was greater than my father, and he knew this. I was Jess Franco, even though I was named after the son of God." Jess' father was also a filmmaker, making his debut in 1915 with "Fat Clumsy Cops Solve a Crime" the 76 reel comedy was considered the first movie ever shown in Spain, but recent evidence uncovered by the Jess Franco is Our Master society has proved conclusively that Jess' own That Certain Taste was the first Spanish film in history when it was shown in 1975. Jess has described his childhood and "uneventful" so it must be true and I will not look any further into it because Jess Franco's gospel shan't be questioned.
Franco first made sweet monkey love to a woman when only 6 years old. Because even as a child Franco was erotic (or as it is known in spain, el erotic). Franco has loved many of the most beautiful women of our time, Elenor Roosavelt, Marylin Monroe's dishwasher, Bea Arthur, and, of course, Liza Minelli. But this would not be until Franco was a teenager. At the tender age of 11 Franco made his debut as a filmmaker, producing, directing, writing and starring in "Franco is Fantastic!" a "fictional documentary" following the youthful Franco's misadventures in London's swinging club scene. After that the story gets vague, since the book I was reading somehow ended up in a public toilet, not because of any homosexual activity.	"Just look at that star power!!!"
		on to part II